thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
