In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
