I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
