dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
