yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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