I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
