ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
