You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
