note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
