at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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