Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I wear drunk well.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
