Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
