I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
