I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
