He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
