True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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