Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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