I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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