I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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