not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
