I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
