Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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