My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We had to coat check the pizza.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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