Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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