so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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