She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
