what day is it and did you see me today?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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