There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
