I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
How external is "for external use only"?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Randomize
