he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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