My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
