Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Did you pee in the oven last night??
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
