It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
