He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
