So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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