Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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