Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
