She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
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How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
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She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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