the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My penis needs a shock collar
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Pants are for mortals
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