Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
