roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
