Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
hell yes lets make some ravioli
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
