becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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