so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
