you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
