So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
