awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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