We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
