oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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