I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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