Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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