how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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