would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
