I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
