It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize