he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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