I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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