I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
