i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
