you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
