I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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