You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
