i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Shame is for Republicans.
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