11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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