I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
