omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
