Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
