The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
