Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
