remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
